I am so done with the GRE. I’m reasonably satisfied with my verbal & quantitative scores, and confident about the analytical writing. Didn’t quite hit my target quant. score. It’s probably good enough, though (and I don’t want to shell out another $160 to fucking ETS). DONE.

So now it’s time to obsess over:

1. Statement of Purpose
2. Portfolio, for the two schools that want one
3. Resume/CV
4. Whether or not my recommenders will get their letters in on time

Clearly, I’m going to be a really boring person until Feb. 1, when the last two apps are due. Or maybe until mid-March, when admissions decisions are sent out.

Oh, hey. It’s been a week since I posted. How time flies. I managed three straight days of blogging, WOO!

What I’ve been agonizing over:

1. GRE. It’s next Monday. OH GOD. I don’t think I will ever feel prepared to take this exam, despite having taken it about 5 years ago. I feel like a complete dumbass for having forgotten basic high school math. I also haven’t looked at any of the analytical writing topics yet, and I should probably glance over those. ETS helpfully provides the entire pool of writing prompts, not that you can realistically prepare an essay for every single one, since there are around 200 of them. Standardized testing can suck it.
2. Statement of Purpose. Uh…I think I’m scrapping my entire draft (but keeping a backup, of course, in case some of it turns out to be useable). Back to square one.

Small Private College visit went well. After attending huge state universities, it was a little unsettling being on such a quiet campus; the school only has about 1,600 students, grad and undergrad combined. And…get this…parking is free there. For everyone. The department also bought me and the other prospective student lunch, which was awesome. I mean, really? We haven’t even applied yet, let alone been admitted!

I met 3/5ths of the department faculty and they were all awesome. I spent most of the 4.5 hours either talking to faculty or students and left exhausted, but convinced I’d have a good experience there if they offer me admission and I accept it. I’d need to do some catching up on math, if this is the program I end up in. I’d need to brush up on those rusty programming skills, too, but I’d have to do that at the other three programs as well.

Local Public School is still my first choice, though. It’s the best fit, and although I hate that this is even a factor for me, its name has the most cachet amongst the schools on my list, except maybe Private Art School. (I’ve probably just given away those two schools to anyone who knows where I live.)

And now you’re probably wondering what the hell it is I’m planning to study. Math? Programming? Art school? WTF?

Right, elections. Having my polling place right across the street is pretty awesome. I voted while I was making dinner.

I am probably a bad person for feeling this way, but while I’m mildly disappointed in all the red I’m seeing, I’m mostly just…meh. I don’t have the emotional energy to care much at the moment. Whatever happens, happens. Humanity is just one big experiment anyway.

Or, you know, it could just be that I’m totally consumed by anxiety by this whole application process. I feel as if my worth as a human being is being measured, and I am being found wanting. Asking for letters of recommendation, oh god. It’s the reason I only applied to one mediocre-but-expensive school last year. I’m glad, though, that I decided to suck it up this year and just ask. (One down, two more to go…)

There’s also another prospective student event to attend on Tuesday, this time at a small private college in a department with 5 faculty members and fewer than 20 grad students. I’ll be having lunch with the department head. Pros: she’ll definitely remember me when she sees my app. Cons: she’ll definitely remember me when she sees my app.

Aaaand I may have erroneously informed my only recommender (so far), who prefers to send hard copies of letters, that she had the option of doing so, when in fact two of the schools require email submissions. Sigh.

Shit, Talia linked to me. I guess I’d better actually blog every day this month. Or at least for a few days, until everyone forgets about this blog again.

I’m applying to master’s programs this fall, and the statement of purpose is probably the part I’m agonizing over the most. I have to take the GRE, sure, but I’m preparing for it as much as I can (ok, maybe not as much, but probably in proportion to its importance). I have some regrets about my undergrad grades, but there’s nothing I can do about that now. And I’m fairly confident that I’ll have good letters of recommendation. So it all comes down to the SOP.

I’ve just sent off a very, very rough draft to a former professor, and that’s all the editing I’m going to do tonight. It probably sounds like utter drivel. You’d think it would be easy to write about something you love to think about and work on, right? Unfortunately, my tendency to overthink things gets in the way; I’ve spent many a night paralyzed by a blank word processing window, convinced that each paper must spring onto the screen, fully-formed, from my forehead.

And that is why I always failed at NaNoWriMo, even if I knew no one else would ever see my terrible composition.

I neglect this blog too much.

Enter: NaBloPoMo.

(I know, lame excuse for a post, but I’ll have more to say tomorrow. Brace yourselves for a month+ of agonizing over my grad school apps, as I attempt to share the misery with the internets!)